Friday, February 13, 2015

A week in phone photos

Last Sunday morning I ran the Hypothermic Half Marathon.  I felt really lucky to have my family and one of my closest friends come out to cheer me across the finish line.  Do you notice the comical thing about this photo?  When I put it up to post it made me chuckle.

Pretty sweet medal (the snowflake turns), but that's about the only good thing about this race.  Race review post to come.

The race had a morning and an afternoon run. My brother ran in the afternoon and my kiddos wanted to wait around to cheer him on.  I had so much fun (as did they).  I need more opportunities to be the one cheering.  The little two kept themselves entertained making snow angels :)

Valentines!  My son had two parties this week, my eldest one.  We had a total of 61 cards to make - phew!  I also volunteered to make cookies for the preschool class.  Had the dough going and realized I was out of eggs.  Went to our neighbours house who only had one and I needed to.  Thanks to Google I added the egg and half a banana.  Turned out great with very little banana taste.

Thank you Pinterest!  Last minute Teachers Valentines!

I took on a new project yesterday.  I'm pretty excited about it and hope it works out as well as Pinterest would have me believe - ha ha!

Beautiful sunny day today and the kids had a close up view of a Gorilla at the local zoo.

How was your week?

Monday, February 9, 2015

Grief and Loss

I told my husband on Saturday as I cried, that I wasn't sad.  He filled in the blank for me and said "it's just loss".  


Friday afternoon we laid our 11 1/2 year old Golden Retriever to rest.  My husband stayed home with the kids while I made the drive with Big Red to the vet.  As the medicine took hold I had enough time to tell him how much we loved him, and thanked him for being so good with the kids before he slipped away.  The hole that he has left is more than I could have imagined.

The vet told me on Friday that kids can teach us alot about grief.  I wanted to share here how each of my kids are handling the loss of Clifford.

My eldest will be 8 in May and only knows a world with Clifford in it.  Thursday night as we started our goodbyes, and into Friday there were constant tears.  Near sobbing and hard to breathe.  She grieved outwardly and we gave her space to cry as much as she needed to.  By last night she said to me "Mom, I'm not crying anymore.  It's alot easier".  She mentions how it is strange to not see him in the kitchen, or play with him outside, but her grief was hard but quick.  My Mom texted me that you should walk through grief, not around it.  It seems my eldest did this the best.  She walked right through it, allowing herself to fully grieve the loss, and came out the other side.  Missing him but being ok.

My middle has been very quiet with the loss.  No tears have been shed, but he has been quicker to get upset.  He would bring me his favorite stuffed animal to offer me comfort.  I thought maybe, being 5, that it hadn't affected him the same way.  On Saturday he and I were out and about and I was talking with my older brother on the phone.  From the back seat he said "Mom, can you stop talking about Clifford.  Seeing you hurt, makes my heart hurt".  He misses Red, but his struggle was seeing the rest of us so hurt.  I was surprised when people would ask me if we had told the kids.  I, like my eldest, am open with my grief, and we were open with the kids on preparing them to say goodbye, what would happen, and being honest with our emotions afterwards.  But I'm being careful now to guard myself a bit around my middle.

My littlest.  Wow my littlest.  She will be 2.5 this week and she surprised me the most.  She loved feeding Cliff treats, and loved getting down on the floor with him, nose to nose while he ate or drank water.  I think his tongue fascinated her.  When I walked in the door Friday evening she looked at me and said "where's Clifford".  I got down on my knees, told her Clifford was sick and we needed to put him to sleep.  She looked at me and said "I give you big hug.  It's not your fault" and wrapped her little arms around my neck.  She hasn't asked about him since.  A few times when she's seen me upset she will say to me "It's ok, it's ok".  I heard her quietly say last night after she asked me if I missed Cliff "he's not sick anymore".  Wise loving 2 year old.

As for me, the shock of not seeing him is lessening, and the loss comes in waves that sometimes takes me by surprise.  I'm taking my Moms advice and allowing myself to walk through the grief rather than around it.  When the loss suddenly hits like yesterday while sitting in the grocery store parking lot, I allow myself to cry.  
Red was a good friend.  He was always gentle, always loving, always wanting to play.  He is being greatly missed.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

A week in phone photos

After my short long run of 14K this past weekend, I met up with a good friend for lunch (er breakfast because the kind cafe was willing to make me french toast).  Such a tasty way to end a run.  And check out that mochachino!
I expected french toast but got so much more.  All that fruit was delicious!
Once home my middle dressed up in all my running clothes (including my compression socks).
Not to be unincluded, my littlest found my new runners and got in on the dress up action.
I started the sleeves to my Icelandic sweater.  I did the cuffs seperately on double pointed needles, then once past the colorwork joined them for two at a time on two circulars.
Our Golden Retriever affectionately called Red (or Clifford, or Cliff, or with his middle name Clifford Rufus).  He requires so much more than a caption.  He hasn't been well and we are preparing to say goodbye.
A swap!  A Rav member sent me a message about a skein I was willing to part with.  She made me these two awesome bags as an exchange.  I've already put my sweater sleeves into one of them!
I retired these shoes this week.  They ran a total of 403K.  Wow!

What's on your phone this past week?